Episode 4

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Published on:

22nd Sep 2025

Big Feelings, Messy Lives: Jacintha Field on Authenticity, Friendship, and the High-Functioning Child (Part 3)

Summary

In the final part of my conversation with Jacintha “Jay” Field (Family & Child Counsellor, Art Therapist; founder of Happy Souls Kids), we get practical about presence over perfection, how to meet kids’ needs when your own life is messy, and how to recognize the “high-functioning but hurting” child—the one who looks fine to teachers and grandparents but unravels with their safe person at home. We also dig into resilience myths, bedtime meltdowns, and why surrender and acceptance are secret parenting skills.

In this episode:

  • Presence > perfection: What “being present” actually looks like when life is chaotic, and why 20 minutes of undivided, child-led time can shift behavior.
  • Needs mapping at home: A simple dinner-table practice for naming each family member’s needs (rest, activity, friends, quiet, connection).
  • Yes-Day (lite): Letting kids choose within time/$ limits to restore a sense of control—especially post-separation or big transitions.
  • Permission for parents: Why filling your own cup is not selfish—and how modeling self-care teaches kids to do the same.
  • Resilience myth-busting: Kids don’t get resilient by “toughening up”; they get resilient by feeling and moving emotions through.
  • Spotting the high-functioning-but-hurting child: The “elastic band” effect (perfect at school/grandma’s, big release with you), why that’s actually a trust compliment, and how to respond without over-fixing.
  • Bedtime unraveling: Why emotions surface right before sleep and ways to hold that space (connection activity, movement, breath, nature).
  • For teachers & caregivers: Signs to watch for and how to invite safe, regulated release.
  • Surrender & acceptance: Reframing late starts and life detours; responding instead of reacting.
  • J’s mission: Reaching 100,000 kids by 2027 so they know their feelings are normal—and have tools to navigate them.

Mentioned

  • Happy Souls Kids – J's platform supporting emotional regulation through playful, evidence-informed tools.
  • “Human Medicine” by Charlie Goldsmith – on processing feelings; his “My Good Habits” framework is referenced.
  • Rudy Nudie play mats – washable mats that make messy play easier.
  • Adolescents (Netflix series) – a triggering but eye-opening look at digital risks and parent/teen disconnection. (Viewer discretion advised.)

Content note: This episode may mention domestic violence and grief. Please listen with care.

Disclaimer:

This conversation is for information/education only and isn’t a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you or your child needs support, please reach out to a qualified professional in your area.

CTA

If this episode helped, share it with a caregiver, teacher, or parent who needs a little permission and a lot of relief. Follow/subscribe for new episodes every Monday—and if you’ve got 30 seconds, a rating or review helps more people find the show.

New episodes every Monday. Come as you are. That’s enough.

🔗 Resources:

  • Happy Souls Kids — [https://www.happysoulskids.com/]
  • Connect with Jacintha on Instagram — @jacinthafield [https://www.instagram.com/jacinthafield/]

✨ Connect with The High-Functioning Disaster:

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💜 When I’m not podcasting, I’m also a Scentsy Consultant of 10+ years. If you’re into fragrance and cozy vibes, you can find my shop here: [https://sachasmells.com]

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About the Podcast

The High-Functioning Disaster
High-functioning on the outside. Hot mess on the inside.
You’ve got the color-coded calendar, the competent job persona, the “I’m fine!” mask down to an art—and a mental load heavy enough to throw out your back. Meanwhile, life? That's a hot mess express—total chaos with zero chill and a full tank of emotional baggage. And what makes it even worse? Nearly no one’s talking about it.

Welcome to The High-Functioning Disaster, a podcast for people who are doing their best to hold it together while navigating burnout, grief, trauma, anxiety, caretaking duties, family drama, body image issues, and a to-do list that never quits.

Host Sacha Holder isn’t the disaster (neither are you!)—life is. And this show is about making space for that truth and giving ourselves permission to say it out loud. Every week, Sacha explores what it means to be deeply human in a world that keeps demanding more. Sometimes she’s flying solo, sometimes she brings along guests and friends—but the vibe is always real, raw, unfiltered, and grounded in radical self-acceptance and permission to be human.

We talk boundaries. Body image. Mental health. Emotional labor. The moments where everything feels like too much—and the ones where we catch our breath and keep going.

This isn’t a self-help podcast. It’s a self-permission podcast.
Permission to be exhausted.
To not have it together.
To be honest about what’s hard—without needing to package it as a “lesson.”

Because you don’t need fixing.
You need space to fall apart—and still be seen.
Because some of us are just trying to make it through the day.
And here? That’s more than enough.
New episodes every Monday. Come as you are. Seriously.
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About your host

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Sacha Holder

Sacha Holder is a project manager, podcast host, and bariatric patient who’s not here to pretend it’s all perfect. With over a decade of professional experience and a whole lot of lived experience, she creates podcasts that tell the truth about what it means to live, heal, and grow — through chaos, and curveballs, while keeping it together (mostly).

She’s the voice behind Life in the Bari Lane, a bite-sized bariatric podcast for real people navigating post-op life, and The High-Functioning Disaster, a show about showing up even when everything feels like too much. Through humor, honesty, and zero judgment, Sacha builds community through conversation — because no one should have to figure it out alone.