Episode 28

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Published on:

10th Nov 2025

Emma Lyons on the “Inner Narcissist”: Dismantling Shame and Reclaiming Self-Trust (Part 1)

Trauma-informed healer Emma Lyons, founder of The Trauma Matrix, joins Sacha to unpack her concept of the “inner narcissist” — the shaming, controlling voice that masquerades as protection while keeping us small.

Emma shares how shame hijacks the nervous system, why mindset work alone can’t heal, and why shame isn’t a moral compass but a mechanism of control. Together they explore family dynamics, self-erasure, and the cultural conditioning that teaches us to pre-emptively shame ourselves before anyone else can.

If you’ve ever done all the healing work but still feel stuck, this conversation will help you spot the imposter voice that’s been running the show.

🧭 In This Episode

  • What the “inner narcissist” is and how it impersonates your voice
  • Why shame is a tool of control — not a motivator
  • Shame vs. guilt and how shame blocks empathy
  • Why survival responses get mislabeled as mindset problems
  • Early signs your nervous system —not your willpower— is running things

🪞 Key Takeaways

  • The inner narcissist is a parasitic shame voice that punishes, controls, and claims to “protect” you.
  • Shame ≠ guilt: shame says “I am bad”, while guilt says “I did something bad.”
  • Shame inhibits empathy and true change; guilt allows repair.
  • Many self-sabotage patterns are actually nervous-system survival scripts.
  • Freedom starts when you recognize the voice isn’t you — and stop feeding it by arguing or appeasing it.

⚠️ Content Note

Includes discussion of shame, narcissistic family dynamics, and brief mention of suicidal ideation (non-graphic). Please take care while listening.

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Keywords

Emma Lyons, The Trauma Matrix, inner narcissist, inner critic, shame, guilt vs shame, trauma, nervous system, somatic healing, breathwork, yoga, survival response, people-pleasing, perfectionism, visibility, self-trust, boundaries, Dr Ramani, shameless, self-erasure

🎧In Part 2, Emma shares her B.R.E.A.K. Method for interrupting shame attacks, how to apply it to real-life narcissists, and why visibility and receiving often feel unsafe for women. Spoiler: she dismantles the myth that we should “learn to live with shame.”

👉 Make sure you’re subscribed to The High-Functioning Disaster so you don’t miss this next chapter.

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About the Podcast

The High-Functioning Disaster
High-functioning on the outside. Hot mess on the inside.
You’ve got the color-coded calendar, the competent job persona, the “I’m fine!” mask down to an art—and a mental load heavy enough to throw out your back. Meanwhile, life? That's a hot mess express—total chaos with zero chill and a full tank of emotional baggage. And what makes it even worse? Nearly no one’s talking about it.

Welcome to The High-Functioning Disaster, a podcast for people who are doing their best to hold it together while navigating burnout, grief, trauma, anxiety, caretaking duties, family drama, body image issues, and a to-do list that never quits.

Host Sacha Holder isn’t the disaster (neither are you!)—life is. And this show is about making space for that truth and giving ourselves permission to say it out loud. Every week, Sacha explores what it means to be deeply human in a world that keeps demanding more. Sometimes she’s flying solo, sometimes she brings along guests and friends—but the vibe is always real, raw, unfiltered, and grounded in radical self-acceptance and permission to be human.

We talk boundaries. Body image. Mental health. Emotional labor. The moments where everything feels like too much—and the ones where we catch our breath and keep going.

This isn’t a self-help podcast. It’s a self-permission podcast.
Permission to be exhausted.
To not have it together.
To be honest about what’s hard—without needing to package it as a “lesson.”

Because you don’t need fixing.
You need space to fall apart—and still be seen.
Because some of us are just trying to make it through the day.
And here? That’s more than enough.
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About your host

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Sacha Holder

Sacha Holder is a project manager, podcast host, and bariatric patient who’s not here to pretend it’s all perfect. With over a decade of professional experience and a whole lot of lived experience, she creates podcasts that tell the truth about what it means to live, heal, and grow — through chaos, and curveballs, while keeping it together (mostly).

She’s the voice behind Life in the Bari Lane, a bite-sized bariatric podcast for real people navigating post-op life, and The High-Functioning Disaster, a show about showing up even when everything feels like too much. Through humor, honesty, and zero judgment, Sacha builds community through conversation — because no one should have to figure it out alone.